Socially Unacceptable Humor

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg."

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.

A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening".

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So. I have been to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes back.

One of the other questions that I missed was to name one thing commonly found in cells. It appears that Mexicans is not the correct answer.

There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center, but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some of the new bomber jackets.

Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled" To which she replied, "No, it's regular people-porn, you sick bastard."

The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we would love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.

Keep this in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumor or
spread gossip...

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his
wisdom.

One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do
you know what I just heard about Diogenes?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied, "Before you tell me I'd like you to
pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."
'Triple filter?" asked the acquaintance.

"That's right," Socrates continued, "Before you talk to me about
Diogenes let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The
first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are
about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man said, "Actually I just heard about it."

"All right," said Socrates, "So you don't really know if it's true or
not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what
you are about to tell me about Diogenes something good?"

"No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "You want to tell me something about Diogenes
that may be bad, even though you're not certain it's true?"

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, "You may
still pass the test though, because there is a third filter, the filter
of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about Diogenes going to be
useful to me?"

"No, not really."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "If what you want to tell me is neither
True nor Good nor even useful, why tell it to me or anyone at all?"

The man was bewildered and ashamed. This is an example of why Socrates
was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

It also explains why Socrates never found out that Diogenes was banging
his wife.

Remember when it was Fighter Weapons School?
12/17/2009 - NELLIS AIR FORCE BASE, Nev. (AFNS) -- An Air National Guard MQ-1 Predator pilot marked the beginning of a new era Dec. 12 as the first unmanned aircraft pilot from a reserve component to graduate from the Air Force Weapons Instructor Course at the U.S. Air Force Weapons School here.
Maj. Tammy Barlette, from the Arizona Air National Guard's 214th Reconnaissance Group based at Davis-Monthan Air Force Base, completed the five-and-a-half month course along with three active duty UA pilots. They were the first to attend the school in its 60-year history. The school, regarded as having the U.S. Air Force's premier weapons and tactics training program, provides graduate-level instructor academic and flying courses. Its graduates are regarded as top authorities in their respective fields.
"I've been through a lot of training but nothing as difficult as this," said Major Barlette, a former A-10 Thunderbolt II pilot who left active duty to fly Predators over Iraq and Afghanistan full time with the Air Guard.
"The course is intended to make you the best instructor you can be for your squadron, weapon system and the Air Force," she said. "They teach you how to get to the root of a problem and find solutions.  It's constant studying, briefing and flying."
Within the first month she had to get qualified to fly the MQ-9 Reaper. The course requires UA pilots to have dual qualification in both the Predator and Reaper so that they can routinely fly training missions with various platforms to include A-10s, F-15 Eagles and F-16 Fighting Falcons.
The school, initially created for fighter pilots, now integrates Airmen from 22 different aircraft and specialties. The addition of UAs is an indication of their value in current conflicts and the need for their inclusion in the broader Air Force mission.
"Our training was focused on preparation for the next conflict," said the major. "The course taught us to keep a focus on the future so that, when required, a vast array of weapon systems can integrate in any number of situations. I feel like I have a better grasp of how all of these capabilities compliment each other, and I think officers from other Air Force communities got a better understanding of what (UAs) bring to the fight." Back at her unit, Major Barlette will be her commander's resident expert and will be relied upon to teach fellow Predator pilots how to improve operations.
"Everyone else in the unit will be marching behind her so we can learn how to better serve our customers: the troops on the ground," said Lt. Col. Randy Inman, 214th RG commander.
"We're very proud to have Major Barlette represent our unit, the state and the Air National Guard," Colonel Inman said. "We recognize the historic significance of her accomplishment and I know it was one that did not come without personal sacrifice."
One year ago Major Barlette was five-months pregnant with her second child when she learned of her selection to attend the school. Accepting the appointment meant she would have to leave her 1-year-old daughter and new-born son the following July.
"I talked it over with my husband and he said, 'You have to go. We'll figure out the rest.' He was very supportive, and my parents, who live in Tucson, helped us out tremendously," said Major Barlette.
Though Major Barlette admits the family separation was difficult, she says her new qualification as a weapons instructor will serve her and the UA community well.
"I just wanted to go to the school to get answers. I wanted to get better and I wanted to help my squadron get better," she said.
According to the major, weapon school patch-wearers from UA units across the country will enjoy the added benefit of being able to cross check ideas with each other.
"It's starting to connect us all," she said.

This one came across the wires a couple of days ago, and I've been noodling what to do with it. Bottom line: This is the funniest f'ing thing I've seen in years, present site included. Reminiscent of the first-ever Dooferbook entry, The Three Stages Of A Man's Life

------------------------------------------------------------------

A Short Story

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess “will you marry me”?
The Princess said NO.
The Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and fucked gorgeous big breasted broads and hunted and raced cars and went to naked bars and dated women half his age and drank tequila, rum, whiskey & beer and and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony and ate many pussies and ass fucked cheerleaders and kept his house and guns and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was fucking cool as hell and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.

The end

An awful lot of propaganda from the ChiComs lately, and if their 'aircraft carrier-killing  missile' and their new Franensteinesque 'stealth fighter' aren't enough to make you go "big whoop", check out the recent footage from a Chinese TV broadcast. The clip purports to show a Chinese AF J-10 shooting down an "American made" enemy fighter during a live-fire exercise. Notice at about 1:09 the J-10 fires a missile...and hits the same 'Mig-28 (nee F-5)' that Maverick shot down in the film Top Gun!

The Doofergods for one aren't buying into this whole China BS... 

Proving that there still is hope for today's fighter pilots in Obama's kinder and friendlier military, the boys of VFA-136, NAS Oceana, are facing a potential lawsuit for "workplace harassment." Their crime? Deigning a non-PC callsign  on their new and less-than-popular Admin Officer,  Ensign Steve Crowston.

At the callsign ceremony, "Fagmeister" and "Gay Boy" were rejected in favor of "Romo's Bitch", alluding to Crowston's love of the Dallas Cowboys and QB Tony Romo. Not happy with his new moniker, Crowston filed a complaint with the Navy IG, who quickly dismissed it and wisely arranged for him to be moved out of the squadron and over to Wing HQ.   [Full Story]

An online Chinese newspaper recently reported that the Taliban was training monkeys to fight US soldiers in the Afghanistan theater, and supplied "proof" in the two photos at left featuring monkeys at the weapons range.  A quote from a 'Taliban insider' reveals the true purpose behind this Top Secret program:

"If a person who loves animals knows the monkeys may be injured in the war, they might pressure the government to force the withdrawal of western forces in Afghanistan." Uhh, yeah.

 If you Google "taliban monkey soldiers" you'll see that this somewhat creative bunch of hooey shows signs of going viral, much like the "Midgets vs. Lion" hoax which tore through cyberspace five years ago. And also like the midget article, this one ought to raise the hackles of our friends over at PETA - woo-hoo! Can't wait to see the commercials - maybe these monkeys will just do themselves in like the ones suffering from global warming!

[video:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7GIl4zKrV8 400x300]

So Who Is / Was Jeremiah Weed?

"A Hard Man to Know" - by Bob Greene

THIS is the story of how I went looking for a hero. I will tell you now that it has a sad ending.

Everywhere I have turned in the past few months, I have bumped into the name "Jeremiah Weed." Jeremiah Weed is a new brand of bourbon; it's a hundred proof, and it's manufactured by Heublein, - and it's being advertised in a lot of big magazines.

THE ADS are about Jeremiah Weed, the man. The first ad I noticed featured a vintage photograph of an 1890s dancehall girl, who was identified as "Kate Kincaid."

The text of the ad quoted Miss Kincaid as saying: "Jeremiah Weed? They say he was a real loner.. I know better."

Just in case I missed the point, the other copy in the advertisement told me that "Jeremiah was a lot of things. Loner was not one of them. He was a magnet for women. And the attraction was mutual."

SO Jeremiah was kind of a stud. Great. The next ad I saw him informed me that he had a sense of humor, too.

The picture in this ad was of Sean Sweeney, a railroad boss, Mr. Sweeney was saying: "We were stopped dead... 'cause Weed had traded all the railroad ties for two dozen oysters and a French piano."

All right! Jeremiah was a sly prankster. But just when I was thinking he might be too much of a gadabout. I learned about his more somber side.

This was in the third ad, which featured a picture of an old prospector named Pappy McCoy. Pappy said: "Jeremiah and me was surveying together for two months. He never said a word. That's what I call good company."

I WAS getting intrigued. Whoever this Jeremiah Weed was, I wanted to know more about him. Not only had they named a bourbon after him, but apparently he was one of the finest characters ever to come out out of the turn-of-the-century America.

Romantic, funny, taciturn ... in an age when we can't seem to find heroes. Jeremiah Weed was a guy I felt like knowing.

So I decided to do some research on Jeremiah and find out what made him tick. That's when I got the unhappy news.

"Uh ... Jeremiah never existed," said the liquor executive at Heublein.

"We made him up out of whole cloth," said the chairman of the board of Heubleins's advertising agency.

IT TURNS out that not only does Jeremiah Weed sound too good to be true. He is too good to be true.

"We wanted to create an image to associate with this new brand," said David Boyle, brand manager for Jeremiah Weed at Heublein. "We wanted something to compete with Wild Turkey and Yukon Jack and the rest.

We decided to build the image around a person. And since we didn't have any real person in mind, we decided to make up a Jeremiah Weed."

SO RATHER than stress the taste of the liquor, Heublein determined that it would romanticize this fellow Jeremiah Weed. The company wanted the young male drinkers to identify with Jeremiah.

When the drinkers thought of Jeremiah Weed, Boyle said, they were supposed to conger up certain feelings. "Ruggedness... maverick ... potent."

Heublein wasn't worried about whether a credible job of building up this fictional character was possible.

So Jeremiah Weed was born. I said that, in the ads, I have never seen Weed's face or heard him quoted directly.

"And you never will," Coleman said. "Our research showed that we didn't have to show Weed in order for people to identify with him. All we had to do was put the right words in other people's lips."

BESIDES, Coleman said, it would be virtually impossible to come up with a picture or drawing of Weed.

"I don't know who he is."

Anyone concerned about the direction of today's youth need look no further than a recent stage production of Brian DePalma's cocaine wars masterpiece "Scarface" - starring elementary school-age kids. The origin of the video below is unknown; although the poster claims it is from her son's school play, there's not a school out there in Googleland  that wants to claim it. Regardless, it makes for a fine -though severely twisted- piece of cine!

The play uses popcorn in place of cocaine, toy guns for AK's and AR's and the word "fudge" in lieu of the F-word. Trivia buffs know that the original screen production of Scarface used the word "F***" 226 times (or 1.3 times/minute) - that's an awful lot of fudge for these wannabe little gangstas!

So, I'm supposed to yell into the driver through speaker, "I'd like a super seven incher"?

The world of professional Body Building has become pretty small since Arnold hung up the plates and headed for Hollywood.  Unable to attract anyone close to his caliber and personality, the sport has  wallowed around the fringe of the athletic world for years. The one thing that hasn't changed? Beneath all the pain and gain in the weight room, the sine qua non for  success has always been a carefully regulated chemical diet of Deca, Clen  and Winnie. After all, these dudes just don't get this huge pumping rubber bands on a Bowflex.

Let's face it, taking roids away from a professional BB is like Chipper Jones hitting a fastball with a wiffle bat -- or Brian Boitano figure skating without a faggy costume!

Bodybuilders flee drug testers; event canceled

BRUSSELS (AP) - The Belgian bodybuilding championship has been canceled after doping officials showed up and all the competitors fled.

A doping official says bodybuilders just grabbed their gear and ran off when he came into the room.

"I have never seen anything like it and hope never to see anything like it again," doping official Hans Cooman said Monday.

Twenty bodybuilders were entered in the weekend competition.

Cooman says the sport has a history of doping "and this incident didn't do its reputation any good."

In the "Gee, wonder what my little pranksters have been up to?" category, it's tough to top what  18 yr. old Rory McInnes pulled off in the UK.  Hoping to immortalize his artistic talent, he painted a 60-foot schlong on his parents' rooftop - fingers crossed that Google Earth satellites would take a snapshot. After a 6 month run, his artwork was recently discovered by a helicopter pilot flying overhead ( pun intended). Yep, that's a grounding! Sadly, Google never picked it up...

This is pretty similar to what some kids pulled off  in Hazelton, PA  back in 2007 - which now can be seen on Google Earth!

http://maps.google.com/maps?q=300+N+Cedar+St,+Hazleton,+PA

Great Fun Behind the Wheel!

We all joke about "dying on the upstroke", but few of us will be lucky enough to realize such a fortunate demise.  Popes Leo VII and John VII and John XIII were said to meet their maker in similar acts, and if I recall correctly one of the Hunt brothers (the ones who tried to corner the silver market way back when) died banging his 20-something mistress. No doubt there are thousands more 'lucky' guys who went out this way, but the following story is the first I've come across that involved OD'ing on Viagra. Wonder how many Quisp, Capt' Crunch and Viagra he had!

Viagra orgy man collapses

By VINCE SOODIN

Published: Today

A SEX-MAD Russian died after guzzling a bottle of Viagra pills to keep him going for a 12-hour orgy with two women pals.

The women had bet mechanic Sergey Tuganov £3,000 that he wouldn't be able to satisfy them both non-stop for the half-day sex marathon.

But minutes after winning the wager, the randy 28-year-old dropped dead with a heart attack, revealed Moscow police.

One of the women, named only as Alina, said: "We called emergency services but it was too late, there was nothing they could do."

[This one comes courtesy of Rock and is guaranteed to rile the feathers of some of our, uh, 'unregistered' readers. Feel free to post your own quizzes; reuse the graphic by right-clicking"save picture as", then uploading it via the blog dashboard.]

MAN TEST

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a
queer. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and
have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing
the Oprah diet...Faggot.

2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a dog, but queer--
it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate
touch except when it uses its claws, and whines to be fed. And just
think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here! I said get your
arse over here, Killer!'  Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun,
come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeezus, you're pitched, you're so queer.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such
nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on
BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet, or
tits. Anything else and you are a Homo in training and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a
parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is
his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you're as camp as a
row of tents. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy
Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man
there too.

6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colours or four
different types of dessert o ther than ice cream and custard, you might
as well be handing out free arse passes. A real man doesn't have memory
space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out
chartreuse or you know what a 'fressier' is & nbsp; you're gay. And if
you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are
poofter.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to
tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to beep at
a slow-arsed driver or to cut the prick off. The rest of the time he
needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold
his beer.

8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list
because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely
on the verge on being an arse puncher.

OK - couldn't resist.  if you've seen MST3k (Mystery Science Theater 3000) you already know what's coming.  If not, the bottomline is three 'guys' watch some of the world's worst movies and make sarcastic comments.  Here's an eight minute clip with the 'best' moments from a terrible movie; "The Starfighters."

PS - If you can't handle the entire video, fast forward to 7:46 to hear a summation of what it's like to be an Air Force fighter pilot...

...and remember, you're not even until you're ahead! I found a great little gadget to dish out a little STFU to rude people who think cell phone conversations should be in the public domain -- the Dealextreme.com "Personal Cell Phone Blocker". These things have been around for a while, but thanks to direct trade with China they're now quite affordable ($32 with free shipping).

These little guys will jam most cell phone frequencies, 3G and even wi-fi up to a radius of about 40'.  What a great way to shut up all those  Lt. Uhura-Bluetooth-earpiece douchebags you run into! No cells, no texting, no internet - brilliant! This is also a great way to counter little teenage tricks like the mosquito noise, and it's guaranteed to buy you some peace and quiet next time you're at the airport. There's also a  more powerful model that will jam up to a 25m radius for $137.  

 Better yet, add one of these  (the infamous TV-B-Gone) and take both to your local sports bar. Think of the possibilities!

[ed. note: Dealextreme.com is a great site for all sorts of cheapie electronics stuff. The bad news is the shipping times are also sometimes a bit extreme]

What could be better than watching cartoons on a rainy Sunday morning...One of the best ever?

There's a whole bunch of stuff out in cyberspace that

WASILLA, AK - Records and eyewitnesses have come to light that prior to announcing her candidacy for the Vice Presidency; Sarah Palin shot a Bigfoot from a helicopter.

A government helicopter was seen flying low over the Chugach National Park with what witnesses described as "a sexy librarian shooting out the side." Employees at a local bait shop report seeing a similar woman only hours before carrying an infant in a camouflage Baby Bjorn.

The Bigfoot, or Sasquatch as it is known in scientific circles, was found dead on the outskirts of the park, just south of Wasilla, Alaska.

Dr Jack Mehoff...

Just when I thought the 'younger generation' was a humorless bunch of X-Box/i-Pod losers, along 'come' a couple of high school seniors who write this letter, sneak into their school, access a mailing list and postage machine and send this memo to the parents of about 400 students.  They also included a couple of condoms in each envelope.  (Click on letter for larger view)

Looks like the infamous Smurf Jet "Rolling Maneuver."  Wonder how this went over with the SQ/CC...  Also, had to tag it as "Rolls."  Sorry Rolls!

... enough power, even a brick will fly.? But it still can not defeat the brick!

Yup, what better way to embellish your belly button than with this. Just what a woman wants to see when she has her face...well...somewhere down below your waist.

This just goes to show that even when you've hit rock bottom, it can still get worse...

JC Penney Catalog circa 1977

Here's how to get your ass kicked in elementary school:

Just look at that belt. It's like a boob-job for your pants. He probably needed help just to lift it into place. The belt loops have to be three inches long. And way to pull them up to your armpits, grandpa.

Here's how to get your ass kicked in high school:

 

This kid looks like he's pretending to be David Soul, who is pretending to be a cop who is pretending to be a pimp that everyone knows is really an undercover cop. Who is pretending to be 15.

Here's how to get your ass kicked on the golf course:

 

This "all purpose jumpsuit" is, according to the description, equally appropriate for playing golf or simply relaxing around the house. Personally, I can't see wearing this unless you happen to be relaxing around your cell in D-block. Even then, the only reason you should put this thing on is because Joe Arpaio made you, and as a one-piece, it's slightly more effective as a deterrent against ass-rapery.

Here's how to get your ass kicked pretty much anywhere:

 

If you look at that picture quickly, it looks like Bob "No-pants" Saget has his hand in the other guy's pocket. In this case, he doesn't, although you can tell just by looking at them that it's happened - or if it hasn't happened it will. Oh yes. It will. As soon as he puts down his matching coffee cup.

Here's how to get your ass kicked at the beach:

 

He looks like he's reaching for a gun, but you know it's probably just a bottle of suntan lotion in a holster.

How to get your ass kicked in a meeting:

 

If you wear this suit and don't sell used cars for a living, I believe you can be fined and face serious repercussions, up to and including termination. Or imprisonment, in which case you'd be forced to wear that orange jumpsuit.

How to get your ass kicked on every day up to and including St. Patrick's Day

 

I honestly don't believe that color exists in nature. There is NO excuse for wearing either of these ensembles unless you're working as a body guard for the Lucky Charms leprechaun.

In this next one, Your Search For VALUE Ends at Penneys.

As does your search for chest hair.

And this -- Seriously. No words.

I'm guessing the snap front gives you quick access to the chest hair. The little tie must be the pull tab.

Also, judging by the sheer amount of matching his/hers outfits, I'm guessing that in 1977 it was considered pretty stylish for couples to dress alike. These couples look happy, don't they?

I am especially fond of this one, which I have entitled "Cowboy Chachi Loves You Best."

And nothing showcases your everlasting love more than the commitment of matching bathing suits. That, and a blonde girl with a look on her face that says "I love the way your junk fights against that fabric."


Then, after the lovin', you can relax in your one-piece matching terry cloth jumpsuits:

 

I could go on, but I'm tired, and my eyes hurt from this trip back in time. I think it's the colors. That said, I will leave you with these tasteful little numbers:

 

Man, that's sexy.

I clipped this off the Delta ALPA Forum. I thought it was pretty funny. It is a PSA Airlines (USAir commuter) union 'Code-a-Phone' message to all pilots. You can call the PSA Code-a-Phone and hear it for yourself at 1-800-458-7359 option #1, then option #2 (the message from Dec 31, 2007).

This must be a great place to work....

The text:

-------------------------------
Fellow PSA Pilots,

This is Mark Stanley your MEC Chairman with an update for Monday December 31st with two items.

Item 01
I have been advised that an unknown individual placed a large quantity of feces in Chief Pilot Tom Arline's V-file in the Charlotte crew room.
While some of you may find some humor in this news, the Association vehemently condemns this sort of immature, reprehensible, and unsanitary behavior. I trust all of you will join me in denouncing this senseless and disturbing act. I can only hope that none of our pilots had any involvement in this event. If one of us was, I offer my personal and professional apology to Tom.

Item 02
On behalf of the entire MEC I wish all of you a safe, prosperous, and happy New Year. Thank you to all who have worked so hard to make PSA a better airline. Also, to all those who have served their fellow pilots by selflessly volunteering their precious time on the MEC or within the ALPA committee structure, on behalf of this entire pilot group, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

That is all for this update.

Again, Happy New Year and fly safe,

Mark Stanley
MEC Chairman

"My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole.

I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead."

Remind you of anyone?

This guy has been around the net for several years with his chest-beating, alcohol-fueled adventures in testosterone. He's a shameless self-promoter with a bit of an ego thingie going on, although what exactly he is promoting is somewhat of a mystery - most of us have lived bits and pieces of his very stories to one degree or another. What's cool about Tucker Max is that he doesn't give a crap about who he offends or how many people think he's the male anti-Christ. In today's touchy-feely world of metrosexual emo's - or as Rock calls them, "SNAP's" (Sensitive New Age Pilots ) - a refreshing presence indeed!

http://www.tuckermax.com/

Here's a link to a page that has the lyrics from every South Park episode . Yeah, I was a little bored today...

http://www.spscriptorium.com/SPBios/SPsongs.htm